ABOUT San FRancisco & East bay couples counselor SONJA SELENITE, LMFT
Sonja Selenite, LMFT
San Francisco & Los Angeles Couples Counselor, Relationship Therapist, Somatic Experiencing/ Body-Based LGBTQ Queer Therapist & Individual Psychotherapist
To witness another in the throes of personal process is a sacred gift. Adding a living record of another human enables the traveler to see into the eye of the eye, to truly feel inside the heart. As a Marriage and Family Therapist intern, I am honored to accompany you in your self discovery.
.So what does that even mean?
Therapy is a tailored relationship to assist you with gaining insight about yourself, in the service of becoming the best version of you. I'm interested in helping you feel more present and at ease in the world. I'm curious about investigating patterns that no longer serve your sense of purpose. I like to follow images and body sensations to uncover deeper memories and desires that may be running your reality undetected. I'm here to accompany your experience of yourself however that wants to show up. My role is to assist you with having experiences outside of expired self definitions or conditioned expectations that don't suit you anymore. Who are you when you aren't doing anything, when you're simply being? Who are you underneath whatever pattern or behavior you are wishing to change?
What does a typical process look like?
A process is as long as a piece of string, and something that we weave together. I tend to take a more active role in assisting you with identifying goals and guiding you to learn more about yourself through a deepening of what appears on the surface of your consciousness. There is no typical process, but I usually see a client for a good year, and recommend weekly or regular sessions to maintain the momentum of the work. Therapy functions by creating a designated landmark for your psyche to reveal itself. I incorporate a variety of modalities, including interdisciplinary/expressive arts interventions, to customize the nature of the work with you. As an artist, I draw upon the imaginal realm to develop creative experiments both within and outside of sessional space. Ultimately, the client always holds the reins on how we proceed.
“We don’t solve our problems. We grow bigger than them.” - C.G. Jung
I offer suggestions based on what organically rises in the room. That occurs as visualizations inside a container of focused attention, as well as somatic investigation into the meaning of a gesture or tension in the body. It can also appear as experiential invitations, such as writing, visual, or poetic prompts, to explore outside of our meeting time. I also excitedly encourage any dreams, fantasies, or spontaneous images to be untangled together. I resonate with the concepts of ritual and reciprocity, and find that creating a tangible symbol or ceremony is a way to cement and expand the work. The idea is that what is essential often lies just at the edge of our awareness, so turning to symbolic or somatic representation is a way to directly work with this core material that plain insight often doesn't budge.
Who comes and what framework holds the space?
I work with individuals and couples. I am a part of a collective of relationship and sex counselors at the San Francisco Intimacy & Sex Therapy Center, and receive ongoing training and support in the realm of the special skills needed to assist couples in stress. This entails a mixture of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) and PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) techniques.
I am involved in a somatic training modality known as Hakomi, which is a present centered approach that uses feedback from the body coupled with missing attachment experiences within a space of mindfulness. Centered on Buddhist philosophy, Hakomi establishes a great faith in our natural movement towards wholeness and resolution.
I am drawn to working with artists, or those in creative fields, who wish to unfurl blockages and understand the true thrust of their work. I feel comfortable with assisting people in discovering and piecing together their life's purpose. I specialize as well in supporting those with terminal or chronic illness, and those who identify as highly sensitive or empaths. I often explore and help people face histories of sexual trauma, including childhood sexual abuse.
Additionally, I enjoy working within fringe communities, with kinky, queer, and spiritual folks. I trust the synchronicity of who finds me, and believe the relationship is a space of learning and transformation for both parties. The most important quality in a prospective client is a commitment to inner work.
While Hakomi includes the use of touch, I have expanded that to involve work on a massage table to complement talk therapy, using a combination of craniosacral therapy and energy based practices. Touch is the foundation of all attachment, a survival need without which, I believe, longstanding healing and transformation cannot fully occur. As a client, we go over your history with touch, and distinguish between safe and unsafe touch. Craniosacral therapy (CST) is a biomechanical and biodynamic form of bodywork that entails a series of light holds from the feet to the head. CST works directly with the nervous system to activate a restorative, parasympathetic state in which the body can balance itself. Some experience this as an assisted nap. Others report a more spacious kind of mindfulness. Table work is always clothed, consensual, and optional.
My study of embodiment practices and trauma resolution would be incomplete without an understanding of sexuality. I am trained in the Somatica method, which is an experiential sex and intimacy coaching. Rooted in embracing our desires and committing to repair and vulnerability, Somatica is a cutting edge approach to having the hottest sex you’ve always wanted, and to connecting more deeply to yourself and to your partner(s). Hint: this is not about “spicing” up your sex life, but rather finding out what turns you on and learning how to ask for it. Healing our nervous systems does not stop at our navel point. There are several key nerves that innervate through our genitals, and when we are blocked sexually, the nervous system is also prevented from its natural flow throughout the entire body. I work with people to inhabit their bodies and claim a fuller aliveness for themselves.
What is a Marriage and Family Therapist?
I earned a M.A. in Counseling Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute, which is an accredited school devoted to depth psychotherapy. I have been seeing clients since 2011, and have been in private practice since 2017. The professional license covers expertise in relationship issues, personal insight, and the treatment of mental health. I am not qualified to prescribe medication. My license is #115646.
Training
Hakomi Pro Skills Level I, Rob Fisher, 2017-18
Hakomi Couples, Rob Fisher, 2018
Hakomi From Trauma to Dharma Level I, Manuela Mischke-Reeds, 2019
Intro to Craniosacral 25 hours, McKinnon Institute, Devon Carter and Catharine Anderson, 2019
Craniosacral 125 hours, McKinnon Institute, Devon Carter and Catharine Anderson, 2019
Hakomi Couples Practice Group, Rob Fisher, 2019- Ongoing
Advanced Craniosacral, McKinnon Institute, Catharine Anderson, 2020
Somatica Core Training, Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, 2021
San Francisco LGBTQ+ Queer Couples Counseling & Sex Therapy. We celebrate diversity and all of our clinicians are LGBTQ+ sensitive and/or identify as such. We support sexual and gender diversity, kink, poly, and other non-traditional relationship configurations. SF Couples and Sex Therapy for LGBTQ, Queer, and Transgender folks. Affirmative therapists providing attachment-based psychotherapy that includes individual counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy, anxiety counseling, trauma therapy, and EMDR therapy.
